Your house doesn’t feel the same.

In everything little thing I do I am reminded of you. I miss you. More than my words can ever express. Each time I cross your picture my heart yearns for your voice, for your hug, for the long lectures you gave me. I miss you so much that at times I completely ignore the pain thinking I will be fine. But I never am. As I sit to write about you a plethora of memories come back to me, like a wave which brings with it abundance. I am reminded of your being.

Here, with a heavy heart I shall try to pen down all that you meant to me. I know my words will never to justice to that feeling I get. It like a knot in my throat.

I can never forget how you learnt stories for us so that each night you had something new to tell. I cant remember an instance where you have said a no to me. You were always ready.

I remember you calling us your dolls. I opened your cupboard the other day and found a comb which belonged to one of our barbie dolls. You kept it all these years and would let a soul touch the things which belonged to us.  And the way you took us to pray to the temple. You walked us to the book store and let me choose whatever I wanted.

I miss the rice balls you’d make so that we ate plenty. The amount of pains you took each time to repeatedly ask whether we had our morning milk. The huge fuss you created to ensure we had breakfast. And you wouldn’t hear a word against us. Well, why would you? We were your only favorites I presume. The amount you have pampered each of us. We shall remember you for it.

Just yesterday I was sitting down and reading a book in the dark. And then I remembered how much you cared about the fact that I read in the light. You wouldn’t agree no matter how much I convinced you. You were so bent upon the fact I was sitting up in a well lighted place. The pride you felt in every little achivement of my life. No one felt happier than you did. The happiness you felt after I ruined your clothes. You still patted me and said that I had done a great job. I sucked at it. But still, your approval was all I needed back then.

The amount of care you took of us. No one fussed with us that much. I loved you more than I love my mom. You just believed what I said. Blindly.

I recall that day when you were adamant we stay at your place. Without any change of clothes you assured us you were there. You brought up each of us. We have the fondest memories with you.

I cant forget how close I used to come to you to check if you were still breathing. All the excitement you had when we entered a parlour, even though you barely had a few strands and were still resolute on a haircut. The joy you got when any of us got you a new bottle of perfume.  And the amount you laughed after hearing one of the lamest jokes by nana. ( You were his sole audience.) You have given me a childhood which I look back at and smile. Days which were nothing but pure bliss.

I look like you they say. I take pride in that.

I look at your picture and I cant stop the tears from flowing.

I miss you so much, Ma.