I don't want to return!

i HATE these times when i am about to go back...

everyone becomes good all of a sudden.. It gives me the same creepy feeling I had when I went back to school after a vacation! :|

I am allowed to sleep for as late as i feel like.Given total guest treatment. bought what i lay my finger on.

Mamma becomes all the more nice, bhai doesn't fight 'n to top it all starts working for me! Dadi treats me with utmost care, she will cook for me and make me sit with her for hours.

Papa too, carries on with his question- "do you want any thing more?" or even better- "buy my daughter whatever she asks for".... 

*SIGH*

'n the next minute that starts happening too..  

tonight he repeatedly went on ranting the fact that tomorrow night there will be no one to take out for ice cream. I was so nostalgic sitting in the back seat thanking God it was dark. 

:'(

these are the people that make me entirely, 'n going back to the life where I have to fend for myself daily becomes almost impossible.

had it not been for a certain few I would have lived on here, gladly. 

it's not unheard of...

Irritated I was, I can’t even recall why,

You looked on silently and I wouldn’t look you in the eye.

“Was it the bank, the weather or food?” came your question to me,

“Stay here today I shall serve the lunch, you just wait and see!”

I shrieked a big NO!  I’ll manage I did yell,

She just won’t let me in peace, she wouldn’t let me tell.

She gets on my nerves I mutely thought,

Not bothering about all she had taught.

“Just sit quietly there!” those words I did blow,

And once in the kitchen I felt that my anger was a show.

Finally done with the serving as I sat down with my plate,

With a look that was trying to imply that my work had been great!

The dal had no salt, and no one had complained!

I was so irritated I made my ugliest face,

Wait I’ll get it for you, she clutched her walking stick and motioned.

“NO!” I screamed this time; I could no longer take it.

“Fine”, she said getting up, and lugged to the sink,

“Why did you go?” I asked, “To get myself a drink!”

“Okay”, I said and sat there with the tasteless food;

I turned around and saw her standing there glued.

In her hand was a spoon of salt,

I felt ashamed, hugely at fault.

So many times she has tried, to do all that’s in her might,

She only has us, that is her only plight.

From now on I try, to sit beside her,

I don’t want these days to fly in a blur,

I realize why she does it all,

I will obey now on, that is my call.

go on, make the best memories.

“Will you come out tonight?” “Let’s go eat something nice” “I want to go dancing” “I just want to go for a walk!” “Please come along with me to the market” “let us go watch this movie”

"umm... okay." 

“No!” I don’t feel well. No! its too hot. No I have work. No I have to cook. No I am busy. No I am sad. No I don’t feel like. And just NO NO NO!

This post goes out to two people. Those 2 who have been taking my craziest tantrums and  the most lame excuses for nearly 2 years now.

We were sitting casually at the bank and talking. Yes, those of you who know, the spot at Vijaya bank.  It was pretty late and I sat there waiting for my sister to come. This girl happens to be a friend, a mentor and someone I have grown up with. We were just sitting discussing our lives and her newly begun work.

“So, what do you plan to do tonight?” came her question.

“Nothing! I may go out with my friends.” I replied. “though I don’t feel like” (it was one of those innumerable times when I yet again didn’t feel like going, more than feel did not realize the worth of going.)

“Hmm... any reason?”

“NO!” I felt no need to explain and she didn’t ask. I was relieved to have escaped her whys and so’s.

“do I tell you something?”

“Yeah.. “I said. Deep inside I was wishing she would not start one of her lectures yet again.

“See, had I met you 3 years back I would have never dreamt of telling you such a thing. But today as I stand at the threshold of a completely new phase of life I want to give you a piece of advice.”

“GO OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS, each time someone asks you to come along try to find a way to go instead of finding an excuse to escape.” “Learn to say more of YES and less of NO.” “Meet new people” “Don’t shy away.”

“I feel sad in telling you I didn’t enjoy my college years, now looking back I barely have those few friends, no one who would call me years later and remind me of something memorable that we did together. I maintained a high CGPA and always had laudable attendance.  I stayed in the good books of nearly everyone. But now I feel ashamed to have ignored those friends back then. I said so much NO to everybody that there came a stage when no one bothered to even ask. I kept myself involved in my books and bothered only about myself. In short, I missed out on living those four years. I feel guilty for those uncountable times I lied to escape them” “Now I am trying. I will not sideline my work but at the same time I shall remember that there is more to life than just work.”

“I am telling you all this just so that you realize the worth of what you are doing these days, just so that later in life when you sit back and tell people of your tales you will have enough to look back on. Life will never be measured by what all you have achieved, rather by the number of people whose lives you have touched and changed. Those people who count on you. Those who in the end will least remember you.”

“Hello, YES I am coming tonight!” “Please come and pick me up when you guys are ready.” I called up a friend and told so right away.

I had already learnt my lesson. Before it is too late I believe it will be better if I mend my ways.

P.S.- i would like to end with the lines of one of my favorite songs..

So take the photographs
and still frames in your mind.

Hang it on a shelf
In good health and good time.

Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial.

For what it's worth,
it was worth all the while.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

♥ ♥ ♥

This post comes up after reading her: Its not goodbye. Not really.
:)

I sit and try to recall when did it really start? Well I clearly remember the time it started. It was Saman! We were in class 3. I remember her running to me after the summer vacation has just ended. We used to sit and talk about all we did throughout the holidays. Talk till our jaws began to hurt. So she started telling me the books she read, about how cool Harry Potter was. After all the hearing of the stories happened I was like okay, I shall read it soon enough!
Then came September and time to get me a birthday gift. She ran to me before assembly with the book hidden behind her. "Guess what I got you?", she asked. "No idea!"
"Well I FINALLY managed to buy you the book", she shrieked!
She hugged me tight and we hurried to attend the assembly.

The affair started back then. :)
Harry Potter is childhood to me.
Thank you woman..



P.S.-  Kay I am tagging you here! Hope I succeed in making you read it someday! And you too shall- "enjoy the adventure minute by minute.." :D

School diaries…1

Staying in a boarding school had its own drawbacks still it taught you a lot. We were the smarter ones. The kids who managed to polish their shoes right from class one. Who were trained to bathe and wash their clothes, dress for school, hurry to the dining hall and manage their life on their own. We were molded that way. I am going to tell you a story of how we boarders who were nearly always hungry managed to fill their tummies each interval.

Started break with the normal,

THANK YOU GOD FOR THE FOOD WE EAT

THANK YOU GOD FOR THE BIRDS THAT SING

THANK YOU GOD FOR EVERYTHING.

We stared at the day scholars who had tiffin boxes full with the yummiest things you could imagine. We on the other hand had to walk down the length of the school to the kitchen area where a bearer stood to give us our share.(share here means the ONE patty, OR samosa, OR jam tart, at times it was two dog biscuits). Those days that was merely a hair's breadth for our empty stomach. At times we tried to beg the bearer for more than our share. On certain occasions he would feel bad and give us some food. Mostly he would scold us and shoo us off.

Another well planned trick that never failed was go near him when the bell is about to ring. That way he pitied the kid and gave double the share. Children our age were brainy enough. Our seniors had taught us the fool proof ways of extracting more food.

 Another one was to ask for someone else's share and then run away. Tell the bearer that THAT girl is sick and can't walk so I need to take her share. He fell for that too.

Finally one day we had tried all of it, nothing worked and we stood there with rumbling stomachs. So one girl suggested that I change my hair style and went as another girl! At first the idea appalled me, later with no alternative I thought why not THIS too?! So here I tied my hair, made a higher pony took out some hair from my side locks and very boldly go up to the bearer and pick another patty. He fell for it perfectly. I was so thrilled I couldn't control my laughter and with the food in my hand I ran from his sight.

That day onwards another method was added to the list.

: )

P.S. - I recently went to school to see Matron was there with the bearer on duty. :|

So, our juniors will ever get to enjoy what we did. 

Your house doesn’t feel the same.

In everything little thing I do I am reminded of you. I miss you. More than my words can ever express. Each time I cross your picture my heart yearns for your voice, for your hug, for the long lectures you gave me. I miss you so much that at times I completely ignore the pain thinking I will be fine. But I never am. As I sit to write about you a plethora of memories come back to me, like a wave which brings with it abundance. I am reminded of your being.

Here, with a heavy heart I shall try to pen down all that you meant to me. I know my words will never to justice to that feeling I get. It like a knot in my throat.

I can never forget how you learnt stories for us so that each night you had something new to tell. I cant remember an instance where you have said a no to me. You were always ready.

I remember you calling us your dolls. I opened your cupboard the other day and found a comb which belonged to one of our barbie dolls. You kept it all these years and would let a soul touch the things which belonged to us.  And the way you took us to pray to the temple. You walked us to the book store and let me choose whatever I wanted.

I miss the rice balls you’d make so that we ate plenty. The amount of pains you took each time to repeatedly ask whether we had our morning milk. The huge fuss you created to ensure we had breakfast. And you wouldn’t hear a word against us. Well, why would you? We were your only favorites I presume. The amount you have pampered each of us. We shall remember you for it.

Just yesterday I was sitting down and reading a book in the dark. And then I remembered how much you cared about the fact that I read in the light. You wouldn’t agree no matter how much I convinced you. You were so bent upon the fact I was sitting up in a well lighted place. The pride you felt in every little achivement of my life. No one felt happier than you did. The happiness you felt after I ruined your clothes. You still patted me and said that I had done a great job. I sucked at it. But still, your approval was all I needed back then.

The amount of care you took of us. No one fussed with us that much. I loved you more than I love my mom. You just believed what I said. Blindly.

I recall that day when you were adamant we stay at your place. Without any change of clothes you assured us you were there. You brought up each of us. We have the fondest memories with you.

I cant forget how close I used to come to you to check if you were still breathing. All the excitement you had when we entered a parlour, even though you barely had a few strands and were still resolute on a haircut. The joy you got when any of us got you a new bottle of perfume.  And the amount you laughed after hearing one of the lamest jokes by nana. ( You were his sole audience.) You have given me a childhood which I look back at and smile. Days which were nothing but pure bliss.

I look like you they say. I take pride in that.

I look at your picture and I cant stop the tears from flowing.

I miss you so much, Ma.

YOU challenge.. Day 2

okay.. today's has been completed in a hurry..
9 loves.

1. undoubtedly books!
2. food! (leave me with good food, i don't need company). i live to eat!!
3. memories... they are the only things that never leave you.
4. my friends. ( i am blessed in this category) if you have mine life becomes so much more easier. xoxo
5. school. it forms an integral part of me.
6. travelling.. i have the best trips, EVER.
7. the nights that turn into mornings.. :)
8. JOEY. ( that's my brother) not that i don't love the other one. :D

9. a blackberry! i thank God every night for my phone!!!